despair

It comes a time when all the light vanish from one's mind; darkness has settled over the thought and feeling, even for a while. Even the most deepest thresholds of life have been crossed to the realm of despair. Great fear has been settled in one's feelings.

I saw it a couple of times in some people's eyes or heard it in their voice or read it in their words. It's horrifying, it left disgust in my mind about their being. Sometimes I felt pity.
Sometimes I've took over my shoulders their life trying to bring stability back to its place. I've did it with pity and disgust. It hadn't last much, due too the feelings that pushed me to do it and more important due to the fact that someone else (in this cases was me) was living, was deciding instead of themselves.

Your life is your own belonging; nobody else wasn't, isn't and will never be the owner of it. Help might be needed throughout hard times, to be pushed forward, to be kept alive.

As long as you take your living in your own bared hands you will be the only one tasting the greatness and blessings of your results. Rest assure than they are much powerful than any hurt you'll ever suffer. Once you see the happiness you have brought upon yourself, any suffering will be forgotten. It might be very well the other way around; it just stands in your mindset.

Anyhow, the main idea that is crossing my mind is about the one that reached despair at a given time. It is helpful to shelter that human being, to offer your arms wide open, in order for him to find his peace. In the same time, keep your help far enough for the one to find by oneself the way through the dark times, to go back on his/her own to his/her own path. Keep an eye open to adjust the distance between both of you, considering the way of being of the other and what could harm you.

There are battles in life that nobody will win for us. The so called victory achieved by others in our place are just fake and temporary moments of joy. Choose wise what battles you are fighting by yourself.

masochism

It is both strange and real how easily a pain can cause pleasure. It doesn't have to be in big amounts, it can only be some very small ordinary pain that you no longer perceive it like that, but just as a source of pleasure ... it might be that sometimes you see it rationally and still don't feel that it is pain that is causing you one small pleasure or another ... or you end up in a confusing corner where neither pain or pleasure can be distinguish by your mindset, a confusion that might grow to real masochism. A daily small pain that it's not in your power to eliminate from your life, or at least you think it's not in your power ... and to protect yourself from that feeling of pain in your daily life sometimes you learn to enjoy it in order to have positive feelings in your life.

pessimistic optimistic

Sometimes you get to know some people and you notice their reactions before important things happens in their life. And you notice that most of the time they are quite convinced that it will end up wrong. This is what you see, something that it is called a pessimistic attitude towards the future.
As well it may happen that some people in your life get easily overwhelmed by feelings, be it huge joy caused by dreaming or deep pain caused by some facts.
Could it be that being overwhelmed by happiness of big dreams of tomorrow made a person to defend itself? To defend of something that is overwhelming and feel like a threat to stable emotional inner self.

No matter what the cause is (huge happiness or a small pain), a life form defends itself once it is loses control over its own life when it perceives a threat. Defending is also a wide notion for a human being, it may express by hurting even the own self.

It might be that the responses to a threat perceived from overwhelming could be a desperate search to stop the joy, or at least to decrease its intensity. If it is caused by dreams or hopes of a fantastic result of what it is happening, the search might go into seeking any small thing that could make it wrong, in order to decrease the happiness.

Put it in other words: sometimes a feeling can overgrow, the optimistic attitude can overgrow and be felt as a threat, and in that moment one can decrease it through its counterpart, the pessimistic attitude. Or the other way around.
Are you deeply sure that a person is optimistic or pessimistic as you perceive him/her?

"do not..."

Sometimes you are told not to do something, fight the temptation of acting in a specific manner. You give your best to accomplish that and in the end you figure out that it's not enough.
It's not enough not to do the thing called bad. Not to do means doing exactly the opposite thing, take action in a different way and not just stopping the bad stuff. Simply not doing means that you not exist, is exactly like you haven't lived in that given time.

What happens if instead of only stopping it you also do something called good?

It's not only about your relation with another human been, it also regards your inner self, your religious life, you entirely: just not doing it's the same as you weren't there; adding the right action makes you alive in that moment of time.

Remember

Images of the past, memories of things that happened, feelings that that you have lived are alive inside you. They are there waiting to be rediscovered. They are part of your existence. They make you do the next step, they make you cry of happiness, they push you to the edge of disappointment, they whisper you stories in idle times. They are colored, they are choices that you have made, they are your inner peace and your inner war and they are your attitude.

Memories are waiting to be chosen, they are on your own hands. Closing your eyes will make them disappear or come on your lips. They are the face that you see in the mirror.

Multumesc.

Have (not) time for ...

We are what we do !

We lie, we complain, we cry, we don’t, we won’t, we stay, we say NO, we hate, we run away, we hide, we ignore, we kill, we blame, we search for excuses, we are blind, we are deaf, we turn our back, we were covers, we are ashamed, we whisper instead of shouting and the other way around, we cut the trees, we waste the water, …

We smile, we hug, we love, we give, we stand up, we say YES, we can, we dance, we feel the rain, we rise, we try, we go further, we are beautiful, we embrace, we are joy, we are alive, we speak, we listen, we care, we fly, we dream, we jump, we forgive, we welcome, we walk into the forest, we share, we use the water, we express ourselves, …

I give time for what I want to be.

Haunted by happiness

It’s easier for a human mind to be explored by sadness and darkness.

A sun beam kissed the eyes in an early morning. A tree whistled the wind’s voice. Colors are dancing from high above to the new born fresh grass. Water is caressing a face … rain drop after rain drop in order to male a dream flow on the river way far to the sea. Her eyes and smile are burning of warm and joy to hug the child within the one that holds her hands. A bike and the skis are the beginning of flying through white and darkness, through daylight and whispers of quiet nature. Words, that gave bounding a friendly touch, are running within languages. Sounds of birds in the night or in the rain keep dream alive when the human’s notes went to sleep.

Run the energy and enthusiasm away from sadness and spleen and let the happiness haunt.

Embrace the forest, tree after tree.

by yourself

I was raised in a society ... in a very interconnected and depended society; I learnt how to depend on the other person around me, I have learnt how to be one in the many ... and they told that I'm weak, that I'm dependent and I have to change to get what I want.
Were they right? Hmmm... yeap. OK, now I'll do it my way. You have told me how and now you are telling me that you were wrong... You are annoying me; everybody is telling me how should I do it, why should I do it, I am doing it completely wrong ... I am frustrated; I forgot who I am anymore; I don't know if I like this or that; I don't know if I want to do this or that; I never knew it.
I was sad and blue; then I tried to listen to happy music and smile. Now I listen anything I can hear. I was going down and I have tried to climb up. I done it; I came back from down there; it wasn't really down but it was lower and now I'm higher. I did, I tried, I thought, I'm doing, I'm reflecting and I keep on trying.
Maybe it's just a way of hiding the sadness in me... or maybe I’m really an optimistic person. Who knows?!

Sometimes I just want to say a simple “Fuck you”, and other times I would love to sign in the rain “What a wonderful world”. I am really alive inside; I’m not that cold person that you see.

Now I’ve learnt that living in a society is 90% using that society on your behalf without any merci…

“the race is long and in the end is only with yourself” … or you can choose to show that you care … or I’ll go eat something

"We are what we do"

I believe in....
I hope....
I fear....
One day i will....

have you found your answers?

colors

Only one color at a time?

I have tried some of them: dark black and the most pure white (I looked at them as colors); cold blue; I was even red, a very strong one. I thought about green: I think I need green; I feel like that, I want to explore the green.
Now I'm still green and I'm running after it, but I needed more. It's only one color, I'm going further; I need more; I am more. I'm a mixture, colors with solid borders, colors getting into each other to reveal new ones.
This is me stepping "somewhere over the rainbow".

Accept or chose?

You are provided with colors from outside; they are shown in front of yours eyes; they are delivered in your hands with no effort for you.
You may chose today to be purple. You are able tomorrow to decide on pink.
You chose to accept only the green of the trees. You accept to chose your daily color.

Colors are the tonality of a sound, and shapes are its length.